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Season One

Leadership

7 Reasons Why You’re Not Winning

a man playing chess against a head statue
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Have you ever wondered why some people just have “it” when it comes to winning with people, business and life in general? Yes, you can attribute some wins to the fact that some individuals possess extradentary talent. It also goes without saying some of the most successful people in our culture credit their dedication to preparation as a secret force behind the scene of seemingly effortless victories.

The observations I offer you are not a comprehensive list by any means. I’m just drawing on my personal experiences, lesson learned and some telling observations I’ve been able to make along my journey. If you find yourself feeling like you don’t have “it” when expressing your expertise…

1. You Don’t Know Your Audience

Imagine a pizza delivery person attempting to drop off the most amazing pizza baked to perfection without an address for the recipient. That scenario boils down to one word: ineffective. Have you taken the time to study your audience? Do you understand what makes them tick? What do they consider to be valuable? It is very possible to be extremely talented while still ineffective because your audience isn’t buying what you’re selling.

2. Level Up! Your Name Has Lost Its Value

There are some names that evoke certain feeling when you hear them. What do you think when you hear the name, Mother Theresa? How about Harvey Weinstein? Try Warren Buffett. Now, what about Bernie Madoff? You may not be caught in a national scandal, but I guarantee you that your name evokes an emotion for the people you desire to influence. Change the narrative if you feel like your name is in the gutter. Under promise and over deliver. Exercise confidentiality. Don’t get swept up in gossip. Most of all, learn to leave people feeling like they left your presence feeling like they received a deposit of positivity rather than the opposite.

3. You’re An Askhole

There is nothing more frustrating to me than people who constantly ask questions or solicit feedback without any intention of implementing advice received. I recall having a conversation with a friend who seemed to genuinely want my honest feedback concerning their musical delivery. I poured my heart and soul into our many conversations to no avail. I didn’t see one morsel of the counsel I rendered come to fruition in their subsequent performances.

At first I thought maybe my advice didn’t resonate with this friend; however, you could imagine my amazement when the same conversation soliciting feedback came back around again. Why would I offer any further advice if you didn’t take the time to even consider my previous advice? Are you that person? Do you find yourself soliciting feedback only for the sake of conversation? My advice to you is to stop this immediately. This behavior can be the kiss of death to quality voices that can offer you ongoing constructive criticism.

Here’s Another Freebie

Don’t offer a rebuttal for every piece of criticism either. Graciously listen to internalize pertinent details. Adjust accordingly once you extract necessary action items.

4. Your Passion Lacks Purpose

There’s got to be a method to the madness. I know I’ve been really hard on you so far telling what not to do. Let me give you some things to do. Start eliminating time-consuming activities that have absolutely nothing to do with your purpose. It’s no wonder why you feel out of time, exhausted, and overworked like clockwork. You’re overextended. Yes, there are periods of “the grind”, but at some point you have to take care of yourself. What do you fill that time with? My recommendation would be to only commit to start what’s worth finishing. They work here Is worth. The worthiness of a commitment goes back to your why! If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.

Are You Resting?

Respect your periods of rest after you’ve cleared some space in your calendar of commitment. Don’t just start filling up your days again because you get stir crazy. Escape in a book, magazine, or blog (like this one) related to your area of interest. Start feeding the passion inside you so you can run full throttle. Ingest thoughts from experts in your field of interest. Every industry has a code, jargon, etc. Make sure you’re speaking with fresh ideas and concepts.

5. You’re Too Thirsty

Quench your thirst! Influencers and supporters can smell an opportunist coming from a mile away. Devise ways to be the solution that people are looking for rather than asking about how others can advance your agenda. If relationships aren’t reciprocal, the two parties are ultimately subjected to a parasite-host relationship rather than a healthy exchange. I’m not saying one party might have an appearance of “doing more” at times; however, quality relationships end in ruin far too often because they weren’t stewarded properly. Parasitic behavior can leave your audience no choice but to cut you loose because they are on to your game.

6. You Talk Too Much

How much is too much. You talk twice as much as you listen. This is one I have to master myself. I typically have no shortage of opinions if you ask my thoughts on any given subject. But a critical key to success, negotiation and relationship stewardship is to be intimately acquainted with the needs of those around you. The only way to be well versed in the needs of others is to listen intently to what you hear and engage conversation beyond the surface to understand what they are not saying.

7. You Don’t Finish What You Start

This is a big one. A big part of winning for some is to not give up when it looks like defeat is imminent. Don’t give up too easily. Stick it out until the end. You never know what you will learn or what you will see by the time you reach the end. History has a way of glorifying the underdog and comeback stories. However, it’s almost impossible to ignore the stain left upon those who just decided to give up when it got too tough. That’s even if their names make it into the final edit. Stand firm my friend. It will all be worth it.

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